Code Blue to Blue's Clues

I came across my abusive ex-boyfriend's Twitter page yesterday. I didn't expect to and I certainly wasn't looking for it. It's taken me a long, long time to heal from what I went through and each time I run across something of his, it opens up the wounds. I have been unsettled and unnerved since finding the page yesterday. From what I could see, he hasn't changed much (read: improved upon himself in any way), and that disturbs me even more. If anything, he's descended even further into the fucked up world he was creating when I was with him. At least now I no longer feel like he's living a better life than I am. For awhile there he had his dream job, was happily married and living the way he wanted to live while I was stuck in a dead end job that I hated, was single and was very sick. I felt like god was once again sticking it to me because he (ex) had everything he (ex) wanted and I had nothing, when, if the theory of karmic realignment is to be believed, it should've been the other way around. I'm not quite sure I believe in karma anymore, but that's another post entirely. I keep trying to stop thinking about him but it's one of those things like staring at an animal being hit by a tractor trailer: you want to look away, you know you shouldn't look, but you have a sick curiosity to know what's happening so you watch anyway, and you hate yourself afterward as you're wiping vomit from your chin.

So if you'll excuse me, I have some vomit to wipe from my chin.